Q: My to-do list is a mile long every day. I can’t stand it. Sometimes I really get off on having a day lined up like dominoes and other days I just want to pull the covers over my head and pretend I am not home. What can I do?
– Super Woman Needs a Holiday

A: Dear Super Woman, Sounds like you might be an adrenaline junkie in need of rehab. Do you get a feeling of self-worth from meeting all your deadlines? Do you decide that you will NEVER work that hard again, only to find yourself swamped under with even more stuff to do? If you get a break and find your energy coming back, do you fill up your schedule immediately? If this is you, you need some serious realignment.

Start by knowing the difference between a ‘must do’ and a ‘should do’. A ‘must do’ is something that has to happen or your world will fall apart. There are very few things on our ‘must do’ list other than ‘breathe, eat, sleep, and well, – those are the big ones. The ‘should do’ list is likely long and filled with tasks that you have confused with ‘must do’s’ – that is, they are things that you believe must happen or your world will fall apart. In most cases, these are things that we feel we must do to fulfill our obligations to others, to fit in with social norms, or to feel that we are ‘good people’. Sometimes they are things that help us feel ‘in control’ of our lives – like getting out taxes in on time. Sort out the authentic ‘must-dos’ from the ‘should dos’.

Then prioritize the ‘should dos’, if you can’t get rid of them altogether. If all your ‘should dos’ are about others, then you will need to add a few for yourself. Self-care keeps you from expanding your ‘must do’ list to include things like: go for dialysis, visit therapist, have reconstructive surgery to vital internal organs.