Category: Coaching

Older Sperm = Risky Reproduction

Leave a comment

So you are madly in love with your Silver Fox? You can see a nice lifestyle ahead with a man who knows who he is and has the confidence and life experience to make things happen. He’s spent years building his career and now has the time to dedicate to your relationship. He’s even open to starting a family with you and talks about being a devoted father.

Man Holding Baby Shoe

All this sounds great. Older men often make excellent husbands and fathers. Partly this is due to a decrease in the career-orientation of many men as they enter their 40s. With less emphasis on work, older men turn their attention to their partner and kids.

This pattern fits perfectly with younger women who wish to have children in their 20s. They can focus on mothering without worrying about their career needs, then head back to school or out to the workforce in their late 30s once their kids are teenagers. Younger mothers can benefit from the social advantages of being with an older man.

While this sounds ideal, younger women may want to reconsider. Research shows that older men are at a biological disadvantage when it comes to fatherhood. Older sperm contains more genetic mutations than younger sperm, and may contribute to greater health issues in offspring, such as autism and mental disorders.

ZAP baby Shoe

This should be no surprise as the same tendency has been noted in older women who delay motherhood and then must rely on the fertilization of older eggs when having children. And of course, the rise in potential health issues of offspring is well known when both parents are more mature.

While the statistical significance of older sperm in producing offspring with health issues is not yet known, it is important to recognize the potential danger of having children with a Silver Fox. If your man is 45 or older, you may wish to reconsider his baby-daddy status. If your man is in his 50s or beyond you might consider having children with the help of a sperm donor. Older men often are wise enough to know that biological fatherhood is so much less important than social fatherhood, and that raising children well is not related to genetic connection.

Romantics will argue that the most important thing about having children is the love that is felt between the parents. Yes of course, this is important. Love that grows out of commitment, passion and intimacy is a solid resource for a child-raising together – even when that child may have challenging health issues. Acknowledging the role of aging sperm in baby-making does not mean that this should be avoided at all costs. Rather, its just one of many factors to consider when choosing when and with whom to have a family.

 

Beautiful Toddler

 

 

 

Link: http://www.9news.com/story/life/moms/2015/07/14/men-sperm-health/30135801/

Celebrating Singledom During February, the Month of Love

Leave a comment

Got a Sweetie? If so, then you are probably looking forward to Valentine’s Day. If not, you might consider renaming February 14th – Singles Awareness Day.

Yup, Valentine’s Day is for lovers, and as wonderful as that is, the entire Western world’s 24 hour focus on celebrating that special relationship can feel a bit isolating for even the happiest of singles. Cultural norms play a big part in this.

Although expectations have weakened over the last generation, most of us will still follow (or hope to follow) this common pattern: finish school, find work and focus on career development, connect with a few potential life partners, choose one from our diverse selection, and settle down to raise a family of our own. Sounds easy enough, however finding and staying with the ‘right’ partner can feel overwhelming. And for those of us who are still looking for that special life partner, or feel unsure about our current choice, Valentine’s Day can amp up the pressure and leave us questioning our current state of happiness.

In honour of Valentine’s Day, and out of respect for humanity’s ongoing search for belongingness and unconditional love, this post will look more closely at myths about love and happiness.

Ever thought, “If he/she just loved me more, I would be happy”? Or the reverse, “Without his/her love, I would be absolutely miserable”? Or “I must be on track because he/she thinks I am fantastic”? Admit it. We all have these kinds of thoughts at some point in our lives. We attach our self-worth or state of being to another person’s views of us or their behaviour towards us. This makes sense since this is how as children, we learned to navigate the social world – we judged our self according to the reactions we got. And we were happy when those around us treated us as if we were special.

As adults we have other avenues to happiness that aren’t contingent on the love of others. Research in the field of Positive Psychology suggests that happiness can be achieve  in 3 different ways. The overall happiest people are those who develop each of these areas.

  1. Actively search out pleasure: Embrace your inner hedonist and DO things that you enjoy! Can’t find the time for something you love? Schedule in 15 minutes of fun, 3 times a week. Trust me on this. Once you start having fun again, and feeling happier, you will suddenly find the time for 20 minutes of fun, 4 times a week. Pleasure-seeking is addictive.
  2. Do more of what you do well: Embrace your natural gifts and DO what is easy for you. Doing what comes easily will reduce tension and diminish daily tolerances. It will create a state of ‘flow’ in your life where time passes free of dramas and challenges. Addicted to struggle, even though you claim to hate it? Being in flow means you can put that problem – solving energy towards creating visionary change, rather than just mopping up other’s tragedies.
  3. Spend time with others: Create love by being loving. Love is an internal experience that we create within ourselves. Ever noticed how you might be in a great mood when everyone around you is grumpy, and pretty soon your good mood has rubbed off on them? Love works the same way. Give it to get it. Are you introverted and find that spending time with others leaves you drained and unfocused? Dump the energy vampires. Drop your need to fix things. You don’t need a lot of friends, just a few really good ones will do the trick.

Follow these steps to happiness and by next year, you may

have renamed February 14th Singles Appreciation Day.

Focus on Intentions Not Expectations

Leave a comment

Ever want something you didn’t get? Either someone disappointed you, or things didn’t turn out how you planned?

This happens when you have expectations and expectations inevitably lead to disaster. How? Well, expectations include others, even if they don’t know it, and you don’t realize it.

Expectations feel a lot like an agreement, where you assume “if I do this, then this will happen”. When expectations are unspoken, assumptions are unrecognized, and outcomes are not achieved, disappointment follows. You may feel like you put effort in, and didn’t get back what you thought you should.

Sound familiar? Let’s go back to my vision of snuggling by the fire. If I expected this to happen, then I might be disappointed – the dishes, the bills, the dog hair all detract from the joy of that moment! Especially if doing the dishes, paying the bills and vacuuming was someone else’s job this week.

So avoid disappointment by dropping the expectations!

Instead, try creating intentions. And make them simple. For example, if I intend to have a relaxing evening by the fire, I start by focusing on the feeling I wish to create. Intentions are about feelings, not about outcomes. And feelings happen within us. They are not dependent on someone else’s actions.

Despite the dishes, the bills, and the messy floor, I can feel contentment by my fire. I can experience the feelings of relaxation and peace by appreciating the parts of the vision that actually happen – the fire, the apple cider, my warm fuzzy feet!

Ask yourself “what feelings do I wish to experience this December?” Lovingness, peace, gratitude, abundance, joy, excitement, restfulness? Then take notice when they happen.

Feel the power of your intentions as they create the holidays you envision.